More than a catbird hates 

a cat,

Or a criminal hates a clue,

Or an odalisque hates the 

Sultan’s mates,

That’s how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck 

can swim,

And more than a grapefruit 

squirts,

I love you more than 

commercials are a bore,

And more than a toothache 

hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor 

hates the sea,

Or a juggler hates a shove,

As a hostess detests 

unexpected guests,

That’s how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp 

can sting,

And more than the subway 

jerks,

I love you truer than a toper 

loves a brewer,

And more than a hangnail 

irks.

I love you more than a 

bronco bucks,

Or a Yale man cheers the 

Blue.

Ask not what is this thing 

called love;

It’s what I’m in with you.